Monday, May 15, 2006

Time to Move

Read this and you'll agree with me that it's time to pull up the stakes. Three fatal alligator attacks in Florida in one week? Crikey! If that's not enough, they (whoever "they" are) are predicting a bad hurricane season. That starts next month, folks. Then there's the heat and the politics and cost of living and the politics and the ridiculous rate of development (bye bye nature). And did I mention the politics? Most importantly, there is the affect of these atmospheric conditions on writers in Florida. We're weird. We write over-the-top zany crime novels and thrillers with the most peculiar villains. Our humor is our prize but you almost have to live here to get it. I've lived here for eleven years and the rub-off is unavoidable. I don't write thrillers or crime novels yet but it's only a matter of time. And I'm sure that they'll feature murderers who use giant Anacondas now found in the Everglades and ceiling fans. They'll have albino features, few teeth and a penchant for fried grouper cheeks. Alligators will populate the backstory and a grey heron will peck the eyes out of an unsuspecting hammock-napper. It's inevitable because that's where your brain goes when you read news stories like the one I linked for you. Humor is your best defense when you start getting worried about walking your dog near a drainage ditch. Moving is the other option. Fortunately or unfortunately, humor is cheaper and it looks like we'll be staying. Sorry in advance if my next book is called, "The Great Alligator on the Ceiling Fan Caper: How I Learned to Love Snakes During Hurricane Bob."


Melissa said...

I say this to everyone, but Move to Los Angeles. I guarentee you no aligators or hurricanes.

Stephanie A. said...

I always wonder how Floridians take the constant flow of natural issues. I'd have to consider moving, myself. But, then again, my grandparents have a house in FL and despite the hurricanes they've weathered, they still long for Florida.

Heard of the band MOFRO? They're from Florida. They even have a song titled Florida and they talk about how it gets in your soul.

Jess Riley said...

So. There's a house for sale across the street from me. Cheap. And you'd only have crummy neighbors on one side. There's even a "Parking for Packer Fans Only" sign above the garage door.

LawNut said...

Forget L.A.! You'll get crushed by the effects of an earthquake!
Move to the tri-state area. The cost of living is just as expensive, but we don't have any natural disaster issues. Unless you consider snow a natural disaster. And pollution.