Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Meet Curly, Larry, and Moe (warning - girl stuff)
I'm in a bit of a ranty mood and it is so unlike me. I woke up happy and thought that I might post a job description today for applicants to be my sidekick. You know, like Lucy had Ethel? I'm a madcap kind of girl and I need a partner in crime. I have loads of friends but they are all so responsible (probably why I sought them out). I have a vacancy to fill for that kind of friend who is devil may care. I'm not talking drunken stuff here, not that I don't enjoy a drink, but sober madcapness is the funniest kind really. But I digress. I'm too pissy to advertise properly for a sidekick. So, anyway, meet Curly, Larry and Moe. A couple of months ago I posted my frustration about being stood up by my gyno doctor. I needed to discuss the results of a sonogram that I knew showed two ovarian cysts (I get those a lot) and a fibroid (the technician filled me in). Having been stood up before and then noticing that the doctor had elected not to carry malpractice insurance (what the fuck?), I sought a change in doctors. My appointment with the new doctor is Thursday, TWO MONTHS LATER. Ugh. I was stonewalled by the new doctor's receptionist and couldn't arrange an earlier appointment. So to get ready for the new doctor, I had the old doctor's office fax me the sonogram report today. Curly is a simple cyst, the kind of pain in the side I've experienced often. I even had a distant relative of Curly's drained once back in the nineties. Curly resides on my left ovary and he is or was, 3.9 cm by 3.7 cm by 2.7 cm. (Why the medical metrics? Is it one more way to confuse us patients?) Curly isn't much trouble and likely has moved on by now. Larry lives next to Curly in my uterus. Larry is SUBMUCOSAL and a mere 1.7 cm in diameter. Larry is living large in the best condo but he's not all that. He might be a little bigger by now but I probably can't blame any weight gain on him. (Damn.) Moe is my nemesis. He's not as big as Curly but he is COMPLEX. I've been noticing Moe lately on my lower right side. He took up residence on my right ovary and because he's not the same as Curly and his predecessors, I don't know what to expect from my doctor visit on Thursday. My new doctor might want to see Moe face to face via a laparoscopy or something. I really don't know. Thus the bad mood. Fuck you, Moe. So, stay tuned for my sidekick advertisement sometime later this week. Curly, Larry and Moe need not apply.